ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
