you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
