We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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