I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
