he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
