I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
