Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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