I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think i have herpe
just one?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
