I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
