new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
