I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
