did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
