What did we do last night that was yellow?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
