Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
