Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
