Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
