Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
