Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
