i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
