literally had 100 drinks last night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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