I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Still dying that you shit outside
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
