I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
