we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize