well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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