I would go down on you faster than GM stock
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
