So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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