not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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