i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
