These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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