dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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