Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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