Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
