This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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