it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
