Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
