Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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