We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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