Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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