a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
