omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
