I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
