Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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