I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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