i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't deserve a penis
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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