my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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