Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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