waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
