matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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