are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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