why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
