I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
