My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
