I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
