In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
