you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
