I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
