It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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