She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
