well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
